The Confession of an Offendable Leader

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I am offendable. I wish it wasn’t true, but it is. I wish I wasn’t, but I am. I wish I could look past it, but I can’t. I wish I was stronger, but I’m not. I want to be more mature, but I am still learning how to be a grown up. I wish Jesus was always on the throne, but he’s not. The truth is …

I am an offendable leader.

I get defensive.

I feel insulted.

I become annoyed.

I am resentful when someone attacks me, my family, those I love, and those who cannot speak for themselves.

I prepare to counter your aggression, withstand your verbal sorties or attack your assaults against my integrity.

Sometimes, I don’t forgive as easily as I should.

Sometimes, my skin is thin.

Previous wounds leave me emotionally vulnerable, always looking for and expecting the next assault.

I know I should be better and farther along on my journey, but I am not.

Sometimes, I take things personally.

I know I shouldn’t, but I do, especially when a relationship is devoid of relationship.

I need grace.

I wish I was un-offendable, but the truth is, I am not.

I’m on my way, but I’m not there yet.

I shut down when I feel like people are attacking me.

Words wound and hurt.

Your snarls cut deep.

Your whispers about me disrupt the placid waters of my soul.

Your silence feels like disapproval.

I know everything is not directed at me personally, but it feels like it is.

I try to hide the hurt behind the smile or a stoic mask, but deep in my heart, I am hurt and offended and angry and resentful.

Your sin against me happens often enough for me to deem your apology as powerless and benign.

I am offendable, and I might as well admit it.

I am still learning to walk and talk and love like Jesus.

I am still learning the power of forgiveness.

I am offendable.

I wish I wasn’t but I am.

If you are anything like me, you are, too.

You say you are not, but you have a place in your heart where, if the right words at the right time were aimed at you, you would be offended as well.

I am sorry that I am not further along in my sanctification.

I don’t tell you this because I want you to feel sorry for me or to handle me with kid gloves.

I tell you this so you’ll know that I am letting the Holy Spirit work on my character.

I tell you this so you can challenge me to get better.

I tell you this so I can pray like Jesus: “Father, forgive them. For, they don’t know what they are doing.”

I want the Spirit to produce freedom.

I want the Spirit to produce fruit.

I promise to open my heart to the work of the Spirit.

I’m getting better.

The recovery time is shorter and shorter.

I will no longer ruminate on things said and done to me.

I will let Jesus be Lord.

I will become un-offendable.

Right now I am still a work in process.

I am broken, but I desired to be healed.

I am bound and desire to be free.

I am still

Developing

Growing

Changing

Maturing

Transforming

Being conformed to the likeness of Jesus.

I still need God’s grace, mercy, love, and guidance.

I hope you do too.

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What struck you about this post?

In what area of your life is the Holy Spirit wanting to produce freedom and fruit?