Several years ago, I learned a valuable lesson. I never thought it would happen to me. I took pride in pushing the limits without its embarrassing consequences. As I was taking my son and his friend to a sporting event, it happened. It was embarrassing, but I learned a profound lesson in the end.

For the first time in my life, I ran out of gas. I mean, I saw the low fuel light flash several times (all right, it blinked so many times that it stayed on), but I ignored it. Well, I ignored it because, in the past, I had driven miles with the low fuel light flashing and remaining on, without running out of gas. Unfortunately, I had fallen into the trap of overconfidence and an “it will never happen to me” mentality. Boy, I was sadly mistaken. News flash! I was not invincible. Running out of gas was embarrassing. We had to hitch-hike to the nearest gas station to get enough gas to get us to the game and back to the gas station. Fortunately, God sent a “Good Samaritan” to help us.

The Profound Lesson

This incident taught me a profound lesson about life: we have a tendency to ignore the low fuel light flashing on the dashboard of our lives. We ignore it because we believe we can push our bodies and mind to go one more hour, one more day, one more week or one more month on the fumes of independence rather than the fuel of dependence on Jesus. Then it happens. We simply run out of gas in every area of our lives.  The tank is empty. We end up parked on the side of the road – exhausted, sick and emotionally depleted.

“ If we keep running on low fuel, we will eventually have no fuel.

This would be devastating for our service to God, our families, our teammates, our community, and the world.

Let’s intentionally find time to …

Rest – our body, our mind, our spirit through adequate sleep and relaxation. 

Reflect – on who God is and who we are and where we are headed.  

Recover – our understanding of finding significance, not in our work, but in God. 

Refuel – through worship, the Word of God, physical exercise, healthy eating, and community.

When we rest, reflect, recover and refuel, God renews our strength (Isaiah 40:29-31) and he gives us peace (Proverbs 3:24). I know you would agree that God and others deserve our best energy and our best selves.

When do you rest, recover, refuel and rest?
What kinds of things do you do to refuel your energy tank and recharge your battery?
What are some new practices you can begin to rest, recover, refuel and reflect so that you give God and others your best self?

The post A Profound Lesson About Pushing the Limits appeared first on Marvin Williams.

cialis no prescription linked hereWhat are your plans to have the best year ever? How will you increase your chances of 2017 being better and more productive than 2016? It won’t happen unless we intentionally spend time reflecting on last year and planning for the next year. Here are a few questions to help you and me have the best year ever.

Each year, people intentionally spend time reflecting on the past year and planning for the year to come. I find this exercise to be extremely beneficial because it forces me to slow down and graph highs and lows and wins and disappointment and create a map for success in the future.

So, what are you going to do to make 2017 better and more productive than 2016? As we’re ending this year, I think it is helpful to reflect on all that has happened in 2016 and plan for what we desire to happen in 2017. In short, If we want to have the best year ever, we must reflect, evaluate, gain insight, and plan ahead.

Consequently, reflection is not a quick exercise. If it is to be meaningful, then we should give considerable time to it. Some high achievers take several hours, and some take an entire day to reflect, evaluate and gain insight into the previous 365 days.

Here are the questions I am using this year to help me have the best year ever. Some of these questions come from Day One Journal, Brad Lomenick, and the book, Eat That Frog. Also, I have added some questions to the list of twenty-six.

Reflect to Have the Best Year Ever

• Where and how did I see God show up in my life this past year?
• What was my favorite single day/single event of the year?
• List ten highlights of the past year.
• List ten disappointments from this previous year.
• What was the best thing I built or created?
• What was the most impactful decision I made for my family’s future?
• As I contemplate the last 365 days, what was my best financial decision and achievement?
• What lifelong goal did I achieve or come close to reaching this year?
• Think back over the year. What was the hardest lesson I learned over the past year?
• If I could change one thing that happened this year, what would it be?
• What did I complete this year? What still feels incomplete?
• Did I neglect anything this year? What three things did I ignore this year? What things did not receive my best attention this year?
• Did I discard anything from life that was holding me back growing in my relationship with God and others? List them here.
• What 2-3 unexpected events caused me to realign or reorder my schedule?
• Did I develop any new hobbies or passions? What new hobbies or passions do I want to grow next year?
• Did I develop any new relationships this past year? If I did, how have those links added value to my life? If I did not, what prevented me from developing those relationships?
• What was the most humbling experience of the past year?
• Is my family closer at the end of this year? Am I a better spouse, parent, and friend? If not, what needs to change immediately?
• What am I most grateful for this past year?

Plan to Have the Best Year Ever

• What are at least three areas of growth that I will focus on this year?
• What are my personal goals for the New Year? Family goals? Faith goals? Health goals? Financial goals? Career goals?
• In what areas will I venture outside my comfort zone in 2017?
• Have I written down my goals (Unwritten goals rarely stick)?
• For accountability and encouragement, with whom am I planning to share my goals?
• How will I know I am are reaching my goals?
• How will I be different in the New Year?

Now, these are just suggestions. Get a journal and spend time answering the questions prayerfully and honestly. Use the ones that you think might be the most productive for your end of the year reflection and beginning of the year goal setting.

Staying Motivated

I don’t know about you, but I fight to stay motivated. What can we do to stay motivated? Here are a few attitudes and actions Michael Hyatt encourages us to adopt to remain motivated in pursuing our goals this year.

• Get off your “but”: Stop making excuses.
• Don’t overthink it: Don’t let planning hinder progress.
• Chunk down your goals: Do the next thing, then the next thing.
• Get it on your calendar: Make a commitment of your time.
• Honor your commitments: Take your goals seriously.
• Maintain forward momentum: Work on your goals – possibly first thing in the morning when you have the smallest chance of getting derailed.
• Celebrate your wins: If you don’t celebrate your successes along the way, you’ll lose the energy you need to reach the finish line.

As we say goodbye to 2016 and hello to 2017, may we reflect and plan well! I pray, as we reflect and plan, that we will all have the best year ever.

What has been your end of year practices? 

What are some things you do to increase your odds to have the best year ever? 

The post 26 Questions to Help You Have The Best Year Ever appeared first on Marvin Williams.

Over the last couple posts, I have attempted to answer a few burning questions: What will happen at the moment of our death? What does the Bible say is the destination for each person when they die? Do all dead people go to a better place? Will we go to heaven or will we go to hell? What does the Bible say?

Before we answer the question, I think we should say something about what the Bible says about death itself. I know that last statement sounds morbid and uninviting. Nobody likes talking or thinking about death. We would rather talk about going to the next party or having a good time. Solomon says some very startling.

Better to spend your time at funerals than at parties. After all, everyone dies— so the living should take this to heart. Ecclesiastes 7:2

The reason it is better to go to a funeral than to a party is that funerals snatch us out of our dream world of facades and fakery. A funeral is as real as real can be. Death is the ultimate reality of life. Funerals force us to think about our death and what we are doing with our lives. More importantly, funerals make us reflect on where we will go when we die. So, I believe that it is important to briefly say what the Bible says about death.

What Does the Bible Say About Death?

• Death is universal 

No one can live forever; all will die. No one can escape the power of the grave. Psalm 89:48

The Bible only affirms what we already know, right? No one can escape death. We can do all we can to stave off death. We can exercise – run, lift, plank, spin, and do yoga. If we eat healthily – carb-free, cholesterol-free, gluten-free, egg-free, GMO-free, nut-free, dairy-free, nitrates-free, trans fat-free, and sugar-free, it is not enough to stop death. The truth is, we don’t have enough money, networks, and intelligence to prevent death – the ultimate reality of this life. Consequently, in the end, we will all die. Death does not discriminate:

• Death is irreversible 

For soon I must go down that road from which I will never return. Job 16:22

 What Happens at The Death of a Believer?

When a follower of Jesus dies, the Bible seems to say some very specific things about what happens:

• Our souls go into the conscious presence of the Lord. 

And Jesus replied (to the thief on the cross), “I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise.” Luke 23:43

Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord. 2 Corinthians 5:8 

• Our bodies are buried until Jesus comes back (1 Thessalonians 4:14-18). 
• God will raise our bodies from the grave when Jesus returns.

For the Lord himself will come down from heaven with a commanding shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trumpet call of God. First, the believers who have died^[b]will rise from their graves. 1 Thessalonans 4:16

• God will reunite our body and soul, and we will be with the Lord forever.

Then, together with them, we who are still alive and remain on the earth will be caught up in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. Then we will be with the Lord forever. 1 Thessalonians 4:17

Heaven will far transcend any joy that we have ever known. The primary dimension of heaven is the presence of the believer with the Lord forever. We believe heaven will be better by far. Grandparent holding their grandchild – better by far! Graduation from college – better by far! Wedding – better by far! Sexual pleasure – better by far. Cubs winning the World Series – better by far.

What Happens at The Death of an Unbeliever?

When an unbeliever dies, the Bible seems to say some definite things about that as well.  

• At the moment of death, the soul of the unbeliever is sent to hell. This is a place where there will be conscious torment (Luke 16:19-31). This topic has created lots of controversy in our day. The teaching of everlasting punishment appears to some to be outmoded or even sub-Christian. This thinking comes from trying to reconcile God’s love and God’s judgment. However, eternal punishment is explicitly taught in Scripture.
• God created hell for Satan and his angels  (Matthew 25:41).
• There is a real place called hell  (Revelation 20:11-15). The Bible seems to say there will be outer darkness, anguish – whether physical or mental or both, weeping, eternal punishment. There is one characteristic of hell, in contrast to heaven, the absence of God or the banishment from his presence.
• God will raise unbelievers’ bodies at the Great White Throne Judgment (Revelation 20:11-15)
• The punishment is eternal.
• The unbeliever will be eternally separated from the presence of God.

British author and theologian, C.S. Lewis, summed it up well when he said:

 Sin is the human being saying to God throughout his/her life, ‘Go away and leave me alone.’ Hell is God finally saying to the person, ‘You may have your wish.’

It is God leaving the person to himself or herself, as that individual has chosen. This is the final destination of those who have not committed to following Jesus as Savior and Lord. To make it more personal, this is the final destination of our friends, relatives, co-workers, parents, brothers, sisters, children, and spouses.

What Will Happen When YOU die?

This question is a very, very, personal one. Only you know if you have made a commitment to follow Jesus and let him lead your life. Only you know that if you breathed your last, whether or not you would spend eternity with Jesus or be eternally separated from him. If you are following Jesus, then you will spend eternity with Jesus. However, we should not be satisfied with going to heaven; our concern should extend to others. We must pray for and weep over those who have not committed their lives to Jesus.

We must live graciously among people who are far from God. Now, this doesn’t mean we do what they do, but it does mean we place ourselves in a position to live and speak the good news.

If you have never made a commitment to follow Jesus, I want you to hear this – God is so in love with you, and he wants you to know that he created you so that you could live in relationship with him. God didn’t create you to live and then shuffle off the stage of life. He created you to know him and enjoy him and ultimately spend eternity with him. Think about these verses:

John 1:11-13

John 14:6

Romans 6:23

Therefore, good deeds won’t get you there. Going to church won’t get you there. Giving to charity won’t get you there. Being sincere won’t get you there. Good deeds outweighing the evil deeds won’t get you there. Recognizing that a holy God has holy standards, and we don’t measure up to those standards Jesus and his death on the cross are the only ticket that can get you to heaven. Surrendering to Jesus is not just saying some words and just believing facts. Surrendering to Jesus is placing the weight of your life and your future and your sins on the broad shoulders of Jesus Christ.

What happens after we die is dependent on Who we trust before we die.

Have you surrendered your life to Jesus? 

With whom will you share this? 

See also:

What Happens the Moment We Die: Why We Believe All Dead People Go to A Better Place – Part 1

What Happens the Moment We Die: Why We Believe All Dead People Go to A Better Place – Part 2

The post What Happens At The Moment of Our Death? appeared first on Marvin Williams.

Dads, Happy Father’s Day! I hope your children celebrate you in a big way. You deserve it. Dad, you have great influence on your kids, and I know you want to help them navigate life better. Here are some lessons that I think can help children sidestep the landmines of life.

The following lessons – there were more than I had space for – do not appear in order of importance. Some of these lessons my father passed down to me. Many others I learned through trial and error and colleagues, friends, and other godly men investing in my life. I have succeeded in some of these areas, and I have failed more than I care to remember. My hope is that these talks and lessons will inspire conversation between you and your children as well.

• Life isn’t fair, but God is good.
• Information about Jesus should inevitably lead to transformation by Jesus.
• Trust God even when you can’t trace God.
• Find your identity in Christ. Period.
• Humility paves the way for God’s blessing to rest on your life.
• Disappointment is inevitable, but God’s faithfulness is incredible.
• You will never, ever, as long as you live, understand women.
• You will never, ever, as long as you live, understand men.
• Sex and intimacy are not the same. So, learn to build a friendship first.
• Somebody else has it worse than you. So, fill your heart and mouth with gratitude.
• Spending more money than you earn will leave you broke and in debt.
• One of the best ways to avoid temptation is not to walk down its street.
• Develop your relationship with God above every other relationship.
• Laugh and then laugh some more (especially at yourself).
• Success does not come overnight. So, work hard.
• It’s just nice to be nice to others.
• Genuine gratitude will move people to want to do more for you.
• Wealth is built incrementally. So, save little by little.
• Don’t quit a job before you have another job.
• Refuse to compromise integrity for momentary success.
• No one can make you angry; anger is a choice.
• Think before you post anything on social media.
• Your friends will determine the trajectory of your life. So, choose your friends carefully.
• Change the oil in your car every 3-4 thousand miles.
• Handshakes should be firm, and look the person in the eye.
• Ask thoughtful and meaningful questions.
• Your vote is your voice.
• If you lead anything or anyone, expect opposition.
• Be willing to say NO to what you want, so you can say YES to what is necessary.
• Be generous to your servers when you go out to eat.
• Bounce back and do not waddle in disappointment.
• Failure is not final.
• Love and serve people without a hidden agenda.
• God can and will use your failures to accomplish his purposes.
• Failure becomes a success, only if you learn from it.
• People-pleasers will always compromise their values to live someone else’s.
• You are not ready to be in authority until you have learned to be under authority and share authority.
• Every failure can teach us something; don’t stop searching until you have found/learned the lesson of every failure.
• The world doesn’t owe you anything. So, don’t let the spirit of entitlement grow in your heart.
• Work hard for what you get.
• Humility precedes elevation.
• Nothing good happens after 12:00 a.m.
• Refuse to allow immediate success to jeopardize future success.
• Take responsibility for your decisions and your life.
• Your choices will always have consequences.
• Read good books.
• Have the most important conversations face-to-face.
• Appreciate turbulence.
• Good beginnings don’t guarantee successful endings. Keep getting better.
• Don’t talk big and live small.
• Keep negativity to yourself.
• Give other people permission and power to help you improve.
• To be successful, you must be selective.
• You will not and cannot be friends with everyone.
• If a man will not respect and honor you, he is not worthy of you (Father’s with daughters).
• If you appear to be desperate for a man or a woman to love you, it will be easier for him/her to take advantage of you.
• Manage your money wisely.
• Brown socks with black pants don’t go together. They just don’t.
• You cannot change people. That’s the Holy Spirit’s job.
• It’s not a good idea to wash red t-shirts with white underwear.
• It’s not cool to leave your house in wrinkled clothes.
• The world is bigger than your present address. So, get a passport as soon as you’re old enough.
• Treat women like the precious treasures they are.
• Loving another human being is worth the risk, pain, and disappointment.
• Your actions today are creating memories tomorrow.
• Having talent is no substitute for developing character.
• When you focus on what you’re losing, you’ll never be able to enjoy what you have left.
• Never let fear determine your fate.
• You are more than what has happened to you.
• Some days, as a black person, you will be judged by the color of your skin and not the content of your character.
• You are not responsible for how people treat you, but you are responsible for how you treat them.
• Buying material things for your kids can never take the place of time you spend with your children.
• Because your time is limited, limit what you do with your time. Turn your minutes into moments.
• The prize of surrender to God is revelation from God.
• Exchange what people think of you for what God has already said about you.
• The most powerful and transformative act you can perform is to serve someone else.

Dads, thank you for being faithful to lead your children in the way everlasting. You are my heroes. For the men who have invested in my life and taught me many of these lessons – you know who you are – I thank God for you. You are amazing warriors to me.

So, fathers, we get one shot at this. Let’s rise to the challenge and make significant deposits in our children’s lives. If you have not lived up to your calling, it’s never too late to start over. Apologize. Ask questions. Learn from other fathers. Practice what you learn. Being a dad can be difficult at times, but it is an incredible privilege.

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!

What lessons would you add to this list? 

What are some lessons your dad taught you? 

Also, Check Out These Posts:

How Not to Be a Foolish Father: 6 Responsibilities of Dynamic Dads

18 Common Ways Parents Make Their Children to Anger

The post Talks A Dad Should Have With His Children appeared first on Marvin Williams.

I can’t believe Momma has been gone nine months. This Mother’s Day will be another FIRST for our family. You know, the first birthday, the first Thanksgiving, the first Christmas, the first Memorial Day, that my mother is not with us. It is still unreal and surreal. To remember my mother this Mother’s Day, I decided to write her a letter.

Dearest Momma:

Hey, momma! How are you? What are you doing? What am I doing? Talking to you. I know I’m silly. Wow, I can’t believe it’s been a while since we talked last. I think of you often. The kids’ birthdays, holidays that have come and gone, sweet potato candied yams, pound cakes, and yes, little smokies trigger memories of you. Some days I cry, some days I smile, and other days I laugh out loud. Micah actually says LOL! LOL! Silly boy.

Speaking of your grandchildren, you would be proud. 

Marvin Jr. is working and finishing his second semester of college at Lansing Community College. He’s not really certain what he’ll do once he graduates next year. We’re praying that it will become clearer – for his sake and ours. Can’t let him get too comfortable because then he’ll think he can stay with us forever. He does act like an old soul. Tonia and I have threatened to get him a rocker and an afghan. He just flashes that million dollar smile and keeps taking midday naps. 

Hey, this weekend he had a big Bible study, where he answers difficult questions about God, the Bible, and Jesus (I know you would say, people just need to believe in Jesus). We had 56 kids in our house on a Saturday night, talking about God and the Bible. Momma, I know you wondering where we put all of those kids. The Lord made a way. You would have been proud of him. 

He’s doing better saving his money. No, he doesn’t have a girlfriend yet.  Everybody in the family is trying to set him up. I told him to take his time, and God will give him someone who is just right for him. All in all, you would be proud of how mature and responsible he is. When I look at him, he reminds me of you. Thank you for investing, encouraging and loving him. 

Micah is Micah. He genuinely missed your birthday card last year. And, it was not because of the money (Now, he missed that, too, but not as much as he missed you). He missed hearing from you. I know you didn’t like wrestling, but momma, you would have been so proud of Micah this year. He had a great season. He won 29 matches and lost 11. This is a good record, especially when you consider he lost 21 matches as a freshman. He has GRIT, just like you. To prove to himself that he has GRIT, in July, he will be going to a wrestling camp for a month, where they will work out four times a day. I know what you’re thinking: “Boy, it don’t take all that.” 

A few weeks ago, all in the same week, he had four wisdom teeth pulled, they put his foot in a boot because he fractured his foot (that’s another conversation), and he was treated for tendinitis in his elbow. I can hear your worry voice in my head. I knew I should not have said anything. He’s fine. His gums have healed, he gets the boot off this week, and his elbow just needed some ice and rest. I know your solution would have been a little more drastic – get somewhere and sit down. Well, you know that is not going to happen with him. 

Momma, I wish you could have seen Micah when he went to the prom. He was so handsome and his date was beautiful. If cancer had not taken your life, I am sure the fact that he spent his own money for dinner, would have. I think they had a great time, from beginning to end. 

Hey, guess what, Micah will be speaking at Crosswalk (This is the youth ministry at Trinity) on June 5. Yeah, I couldn’t believe it either.  He is going to be talking about God as our peace. You would be proud of the young man he is and the young man he’s becoming. Thank you for believing in him. 

Mikayla is growing into a wonderful young lady. Momma, I can’t believe she turned fourteen years old today. We got her a lot of gifts to celebrate her. She wanted a dog, and I was considering it, but Micah is allergic. So, we decided not to. Momma, the biggest thing is, her body is changing and filling out and all that stuff. You know I’m not a gun person, but I certainly understand why fathers buy them.

Mikayla got all A’s last year and she is on target to achieve the same thing. She reads everything and she really loved her human anatomy class. Tonia and I have been quietly urging her to think about pursuing a career in medicine. She hates it when we bring it up. We think she could do it, but I won’t tell her that I told you. 

She is running track right now. She’s pretty good, but I think she does it to be with her friends more than because she really loves it. That’s not a bad thing, but when it is 40 degrees and her race is almost the last event, then you need to be in love with that sport. Also, that’s when we wish she had chosen an indoor sport. Of course, despite the cold, we are the loudest ones in the stands. We’re Williamses. Though you are not here, your unrelenting spirit lives in her. 

Tonia is the best wife and mother anyone could ask for (I know I’m not supposed to a sentence with a preposition). She loves like you loved, sacrifices like you sacrificed and gives like you gave. As a couple, we are doing well. Man, momma, Tonia and I would have been married 22 years on July 10. I think we’ll keep going to see if we can make it to 50. 

Man, I miss you so much. I thought we had more time. You were supposed to live to see your grandchildren finish college, get married and have children. This was the plan. This was always the plan. I know plans change, and apparently because God is sovereign and it is his world, he gets to do what seems best to him. It’s difficult, but I’m stepping into the grief and letting God heal my heart.

Anyway,

I could talk to you all day, but I have to go now. I just wrote this note to wish you a Happy Mother’s Day and to let you know I love you.

I’m so glad we had this time together (A little Carol Burnett doesn’t hurt anybody, right?).  

Your son,

Marvin  

The post Momma, Happy Mother’s Day! appeared first on Marvin Williams.

My mother’s sudden death several months ago shocked, grieved, crushed, and inspired new life in me at the same time. We were about to tee off on the last hole when I reached in my golf bag to check my phone. I was alarmed when I saw that I had at least ten missed calls and messages. Nervous about returning the calls, I finally forced my fingers to call my wife. As soon as she answered the phone, I knew something was wrong. 

“Are you sitting down?” she whispered.

I gave her a tentative and hesitant “Yeah.”

“Momma died this afternoon.”

“What! What do you mean momma died? I just talked to her yesterday. Glenda just talked to her this afternoon,” I declared.

“They tried to wake her up, but she wouldn’t wake up,” Tonia said sadly.

“Unbelievable! Unbelievable!” I mumbled to her. “I’m on my way home.”

I thought we had more time. I had so many things to say to her. Questions to ask. More Saturday night conversations on my way home from worship service. More laughs together. More of her telling me – her grown son – what to do. I thought we had more time. She was supposed to live to see her grandchildren finish college, get married and have children. This was the plan. This was always the plan. Yet, I experienced …

A dream deferred

My utopia spoiled

A hope crushed

A vision postponed

My mother’s sudden and unexpected death crushed me and inspired me at the same time. Her death made me acutely aware of my own mortality and limited time on earth. Her death created a greater urgency in me to live my life more intentionally and to the fullest, and to help others live that way as well. Because our time is limited and life is so fragile, we need to limit what we do with our time and use our limited moments wisely and joyfully. We are unaware of how much time we have been allotted. We have today. That is all. So, it behooves us to turn our limited minutes into significant moments. The Psalmist says:

This is why I am blogging again. I want to add value to your life and mine, as we journey together to turn our limited minutes into significant moments.

What Can You Expect?

I will blog 2-3 times a week, and maybe more if I have something to say.

What Will I Write About? 

In addition to writing about how the Bible intersects with decision-making, family, health and fitness, leadership, personal and spiritual development, I will write about issues that affect you personally. So, periodically I will send you short surveys so that I can better understand the issues the affect you.

Moreover, I will provide links to inspirational quotes, books, articles, videos, podcasts, announcements, tips, and questions that will inspire us to live joyful lives and turn our minutes into moments. I will end each post with a Turn Your Minutes into Moments challenge or call to action.  I encourage you to leave your comments and add your voice to the discussion. And, if what I write about adds value in some way, please subscribe to my blog, and get my free ebook, Surviving Deep Waters and Dark Nights.

Shout Outs 

1. I would like to thank Michael Hyatt and the entire Get Noticed team for designing an amazing theme. When he said the Get Noticed Theme will make you fall in love with blogging again, Michael was not exaggerating.
2. I would like to thank Hunter Haley and Josh Ferrell, at HNH Marketing, for customizing and helping create a clean site. The customer service was second to none. Even when I kept adding and subtracting elements I wanted, the answer was YES. Always YES.
3. I would like to thank usmanabb from Fiverr for designing an amazing logo for the site. He perfectly captured the Minutes into Moments concept.
4. I would like to thank you, in advance, for reading my blog, subscribing to it, and sharing it with others. I will try not to disappoint.

I leave you with the wise and powerful words of the Roman stoic and philosopher, Seneca:

Turn Your Minutes into Moments

How can you use your time more wisely so that, no matter how many years you live, you’ll be able to say, like Seneca, you lived a long life? 

Regarding the new blog, what do you like and/or find challenging about the new blog site? 

The post How My Mother’s Sudden Death Inspired New Life in Me appeared first on Marvin Williams.

“I don’t feel close to you this week.” These were the words my wife spoke to me while we were lying in bed the other morning. These words stabbed and seem to slice a major artery. Though she probably didn’t mean it this way, it felt like she was accusing me of causing the present distance in our relationship. This was surprising to me because we had been talking all week long. So, what was she talking about that she didn’t feel close and connected to me? What else could I do to connect with my wife?

At first, I became internally defensive, and in my mind, I began to minimize her feelings. “You’re just being dramatic or overly sensitive,” I thought to myself. Yeah, I thought it, but wouldn’t dare say it. I’m smarter than that. We both had been busy, taxiing children from one sporting event to the next sporting event. She was busy going to class and doing homework, we were both busy trying to sell our home in Grand Rapids, and I had an extremely busy week doing my job as a pastor. I couldn’t believe she was accusing me of being the main culprit of creating relational distance in our relationship. Where is the justice in the world? I swallowed my pride and, instead seething over the accusation, I started thinking about what I needed to do to bridge the relational gap. Here are a few simple but powerful ways I used to connect with my wife after she told me she didn’t feel close to me.

Listen to and honor her feelings – My wife simply wanted me to listen to and not minimize her feelings. I can’t tell her how to feel, but I can acknowledge that her feelings are genuine and deserve my attention. More than anything, she wanted to be heard. So, I listened.

Refuse to become defensive or justify the distance – The worst thing I could do was to become defensive and begin to justify my failure to be emotionally present. I could have started listing all the justifiable reasons for the relational distance, but it would have added to the distance. I think what my wife wanted was for me to acknowledge the distance and my part in the causing the distance.

Clear my calendar – Instead of attempting to justify the distance, spend time trying to fix the problem. One of the ways to fix the problem is to clear my calendar for her. I needed to have a bias for action and make our relationship a priority. Creating relational time in my calendar is the most significant way to prioritize her.  Going on a date, taking a walk, spending time just talking were some ways to clear my calendar and prioritize our relationship and bridge the relational gap.

Laugh together – Laughter is good medicine to the soul, and it is one of the best remedies for relational distance and conflict. Laughter is often linked with genuine joy and delight. When Tonia and I are laughing together, disconnectedness  disappears. Distance cannot coexist with laughter and fun.

Call or text her in the middle of the day – Texting or calling her in the middle of the day let her know that I was thinking about her, thereby creating intimacy and closing the emotional distance. Tonia and I will usually text or call each other throughout the day. On a snowy or icy morning, I will text her to see if she made to work safely. If I am having a particularly busy day, she will text me to let me know she’s praying for me. These small gestures have a big impact in closing the relational gap.

Disconnect from technology – I have to admit, this is probably the number one cause for relational disconnection. I am typically the culprit. Technology (my computer) can be the mistress in our home, and cause distance. So, I have to force myself to disconnect so I can spend quality time with Tonia.

Speak her love language – Peter says for husbands to live with our spouses according to knowledge. This means that we should get to know what makes our spouses tick and what ticks them off. According to Gary Smalley, each person has a primary love language. When we speak this language, it fills the emotional and relational tank and we feel close to one another. One of Tonia’s love languages is acts of service. She feels close to me when I load the dishwasher, fold clothes, cook dinner, clean the bathroom, and go grocery shopping. So, the more I do these things, the less disconnected she feels.

Pray for her – One of the most important things I could do to bridge the emotional and relational gap was to pray with my wife. One of the questions I ask Tonia is: “How can I pray for you today?” Her answers reveal the depths of her heart. Knowing that I am carrying some of her greatest concerns in my heart throughout the day goes a long way in building intimacy. So, prayer is one of the most intimate exercises in which couples can engage because they spill their true desires out to the God of the universe before one another. I can’t explain the mystery of it, but there is a deep, emotional, and intimate connection that occurs when you hear someone else praying for you, especially your spouse.

Connecting with the one you love will not happen accidentally; it must be intentional and practical. Each day we should ask God for the power to do all the good things that our faith prompts us to do for our spouses.

Turn Your Minutes into Moments

What are some things that cause relational distance between you and your spouse or your boyfriend/girlfriends? 

What are some best practices that maintain intimacy in your relationship?  

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It’s Friday, and you wonder if you have been productive. How do you know if you have accomplished your goals, hit your targets, performed at an optimal level, have had a good work week and have been productive? Laura Garnett, a performance strategist, proposes one habit that, that if we practice it at the end of every week, could make us work smarter, be more productive, and push us to peak performance. 

In an Inc. article, Garnett proposed 15 questions to ask yourself each week to reveal the high points and low points of your week. Garnett says:

I think these questions can help us be more productive and effective in our work. Try to spend at least 20 minutes asking and answering these questions each week.

1. What was the most enjoyable work activity of the week?
2. How many enjoyable work moments did you have?
3. How many frustrating or boring moments did you have?
4. How would you describe your impact on others you work with, your customers, or those whom you come into contact with this week?
5. Is this the type of impact you want?
6. If not, what prompted this change in desired impact?
7. Were you challenged this week?
8. Were you bored?
9. What were your biggest and most exciting challenges this past week?
10. How confident did you feel this week?
11. Did you have any negative mental chatter about yourself?
12. Are you practicing actively believing that you can achieve whatever it is you have set your sights on?
13. Are you committed to having joy and groundbreaking results at work?
14. What distractions came up this week that prevented you from getting the most out of your job?
15. How can you avoid that going forward?

Write your answers in a physical or electronic journal or in another productivity tool like Evernote. You can review them at the three-month, six-month and one-year mark, and determine if there are any unusual patterns.

Turn Your Minutes Into Moments

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