What is one way we can bless our children as they go back to school this week? This week marks the beginning of another school year for most of our children.  Consequently, the school year fills many of us with a hint of anxiety. We desire our children to make good and godly choices. So, parents, join me in covering our children with powerful prayers in several areas this school year.

We have done all we can to prepare our children for making wise decisions, but we still worry about them, right? Will they be safe? Apply themselves? Resist temptations? Develop positive friendships? When we find ourselves in the throes of worry and concern, then it is time to leave our children in God’s hands. God knows the plans he has for our children, and He knows what is best for them. So, let’s spend time, this school year, praying for our children in several areas.

The Father Knows Our Children

Trust that God knows our children better than we know our children and that he can do more with them than we ever could. Therefore, praying the following Scripture can bless you and your child. Where David uses the personal pronoun, insert your child’s name.

You made all the delicate, inner parts of (insert your child’s/children’s name) body and knit (insert your child’s/children’s name) together in the womb. Thank you for making (insert your child’s/children’s name) so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched (insert your child’s/children’s name) as (he/she) was being formed in utter seclusion, as (he/she) was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw (insert your child’s/children’s name) before (he/she) was born. Every day of (insert your child’s/children’s name) life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about (insert your child’s/children’s name), O God! They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand. And when (insert your child’s/children’s name) wake (s) up, you are still with (him/her)! Psalm 139: 13-18

Ask God to Bless Our Children’s Social Life

Having a social life is one of the best parts about school. With social interactions come all kinds of temptations. The evil one will tempt our children to use drugs, have sex, verbally and physically bully others, and to spend more time on social media than their academics. Praying the following verses over our children can bless us and our children.

If  (insert your child’s/children’s name) think he/she is standing strong, help him/her be careful not to fall. ¹³ The temptations in (insert your child’s/children’s name) life are no different from what others experience. And God, you are faithful. You will not allow the temptation to be more than (insert your child’s/children’s name) can stand. When (insert your child’s/children’s name) is tempted, please show (insert your child’s/children’s name) a way out so that (he/she) can endure. Lord, thank you for how you will strengthen and deliver (insert your child’s/children’s name). 1 Corinthians 10:12-13

Therefore, it was necessary for, you, Jesus, to be made in every respect like (insert your child’s/children’s name), your brothers and sisters, so that you could be his/her merciful and faithful High Priest before God. Then you could offer a sacrifice that would take away the sins of (insert child’s/children’s name). Since you yourself have gone through suffering and testing, you are able to help (insert your child’s/children’s name) when (he/she) are being tested. Hebrews 2:17-18

Let’s pray that God would bless and strengthen our children to resist all kinds of social temptations this year. God is faithful trustworthy to assist our children in the heat of the most fierce tests and temptations.

Ask God to Bless Their Academic/School Life

The Bible encourages us the love God with all our heart, soul, strength and mind. Let’s pray our children will exercise academic diligence this year.

The man answered, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. Luke 10:27

Let’s pray that our kids will dedicate their minds to knowing God and trusting him to help them think critically this academic school year. We desire our children to think critically and excel in their classes, for God’s glory. We need godly factory workers, teachers, doctors, lawyers, engineers, scientists, accountants, and government leaders.

Ask God to Bless Their Spiritual Life

We want to see our children discover and live God’s will for their lives. Being living sacrifices for God is the only way to show God how much he is worth to them. So, let’s ask God to bless our children to discover his will and plan for their lives.

And so, God, help (insert your child’s/children’s name here), to give his/her body to you because of all you have done for him/her. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind you will find acceptable. I know this is truly the way for them to worship you. Please help (insert your child’s/children’s name), not to copy the behavior and customs of this world, but may they let you  transform them into a new person by changing the way they think. Then they will learn to know your will for their lives, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:1-2

Our kids can learn the will of God through prayer (Philippians 4:6-9), Bible study (Hebrews 4:12-13), and being in community with other believers (1 Corinthians 12:12-14).

A Prayer to Bless Our Children

Father, we release our children into your hands this academic school year. We ask that you give them the power to resist temptation and make godly choices for you. Help them to love you with their minds and excel academically, for your glory. Finally, help them to pursue you in everything they do this year. They were your children before they were ours. We believe you can do more with our kids than we ever could. So, we gladly and confidently release them in your hands this school year. By the authority of Jesus, we pray. Amen!

What kinds of prayers do you pray over your children at the beginning of and during the school year? 

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We debate with ourselves as to whether we should. Something is telling us not to. But, we listen to our baser selves and do it anyway. We press post, send or tweet. And, all online hell breaks loose. But, we can avoid the firestorm and the carnage if we engage five essential practices for addressing social and cultural issues online.

Addressing social, political and cultural issues via social media platforms can be a useful avenue way to stay connected and even spark healthy conversation. I would not recommend that followers of Jesus weigh in or attempt to address every social, cultural or political issue online. Important issues are worthy of face-to-face conversations. But, if we decide to engage topics online, I recommend we use these five essential practices.

Maintain the Unity of the Spirit  

Practicing Christian civility online begins with recognizing that the Spirit has given us unity. Our job is to maintain unity in the body of Jesus. First, this means we should personally carry the burden for peace. As much as it depends on each of us, we should live at peace with all people (Romans 12:18). May we clothe ourselves with mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. We are to make allowances for one another’s faults and forgive anyone who offends us. Above everything else, we are to clothe ourselves in love, which binds us together in perfect harmony (Colossians 3:12-14).

Submit Our Hearts

Another way we can practice Christian civility before we press post, send, or tweet is to check our hearts. Jeremiah says that our hearts are desperately wicked. Nobody knows how bad it is (Jeremiah 17:9). A misaligned and divided heart will always lead to division in relationships, churches, and organizations. When our loyalty to a political party, gender, particular interest group, or even ethnic group supersedes our allegiance to Jesus, then conflicts that lead to division and incivility are inevitable. May we submit our hearts to the Resurrected Christ each day.

 Seek to Understand

A third essential in practicing Christian civility before we press post, send, or tweet is to seek to understand other people. Christians can and will have views on cultural issues. Brothers and sisters in Christ can hold different opinions on cultural issues and respect and honor one another. To dismiss them is to deny them as image-bearers and brothers and sisters in Christ. Therefore, it is crucial that we seek to understand the other person’s point of view. Not only should we attempt to understand the point of view of the other, but we should also represent that point of view fairly and correctly. When we fail to understand and describe the person and their opinions accurately, we do what G.K. Chesterton called setting up a “false demon.” Then it becomes easier to demonize and devalue the person and their position. May we, first, seek to understand others.

Check Our Motives

A fourth essential in practicing Christian civility before we press post, send, or tweet is to check our motives. The truth is, everyone has mixed motives. When responding to one another in healthy and robust disagreement, we should ask ourselves, “Why am I responding this way? Am I responding from biblical conviction, or from fear, hatred, anger or hurt? What is motivating me personally? Am I more obsessed with winning the argument than I am with winning and preserving the relationship?” As we engage cultural issues, we should pray like David: “Search me, O God, and know our hearts; test us and know our anxious thoughts. Point out anything to us that offends you, and lead us along the path of everlasting life.” (Psalm 139:23-24)

Fight for the Highest Good

A fifth essential in practicing Christian civility before we press post, send, or tweet is to fight for the highest good of our brothers and sisters. As image-bearers, we should honor and respect all people. Our common humanity connects us. Therefore, we should treat others with honor, dignity, and respect. However, when it comes to the followers of Jesus, we have an even stronger bond than our common humanity. We are united in and by his death and resurrection. The result should be an ever-deepening love for one another. In fact, the world will recognize that we follow Jesus by our love for one another (John 13:35).

Loving one another doesn’t mean we will always agree with one another. It does say we will maintain the unity of the Spirit, submit our hearts, seek to understand one another, check our motives and fight for the highest good.

What is your rule of life or best practice for engaging social and cultural issues online? 

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Each day we have a choice to pursue worthy or unworthy things. Life is too short to chase the unimportant. We must choose to abandon the worthless and pursue those things that are worth our time and energy. Here are, at least, five things that we should seek every day.

Pursue a more intimate relationship with God.

We were created to know and love God (John 17:3). Pursuing a close relationship with God is a most worthy treasure we can and should pursue. First, we must ask God for a desire to want to spend time alone with God. The more time we spend with God, the more we will want to spend time with him, and the greater our love will be for him. This love is not merely having knowledge about God, but affectionately relating to God. The way we seek God is by talking and listening to God through prayer and His Word. Pursuing God is all about hearing what he says and doing what he says. Chase God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. Speak his love language – obedience to his commands. Therefore, before you pursue anything or anyone else in your day, seek God. Because God designed us to know him, then everything else we pursue pales in comparison. So, he must be our primary pursuit.

Pursue deeper relationships with our families and friends.

God created us for community and deep connections with people (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12). It doesn’t matter who we are; God designed us for human connection. The closest connection we have is with our family – mother, father, siblings, spouse, and children and friends. So, be intentional. Call. Text. Spend quality and quantity time with those you love. Put it on your calendar. But, also allow yourself to be interrupted. These moments are often the holiest of all and when God speaks the loudest.

Pursue smarter choices concerning our health.

We live in a stressful world. A stressful world often leads to stressful and unhealthy lives. Stress affects every part of our lives. It affects our immune system, our sleep, our mental health, and our eating habits. God has given us one body, and he expects us to be good managers of it (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). How can we pursue our health? So, get up and get out. Exercise daily. Move for at least thirty minutes a day. Walk. Run. Bike. Swim. Just move and get your heart pumping. Moreover, make healthier eating choices. Eat sensible meals and cut out as much sugar as possible.

Pursue greater awareness of ourselves.

Self-deception is the worst kind of deception (Jeremiah 17:9). Self-awareness is the solution to self-deception. According to Shelley Duval and Robert Wicklund, self-awareness is the ability to look inward, think deeply about your behavior, and consider how it aligns with your moral standards and values. They argued that when your behavior is out of alignment with your values, you feel uncomfortable, unhappy and adverse. Thus, you can quickly fall into a mode of self-deception. Therefore, understand your strength and weaknesses, know the impact you have on others, focus on other people and ask for feed back.

Pursue the discovery of something new.

Each day we should stretch our minds by learning something new. The moment we stop learning is the moment we stop living. God wants us to love him with our hearts and mind. We love God with our minds by continuing to remain curious. Therefore, ask questions of people who are smarter than you are. Read books and articles outside your discipline. Expand your intellectual horizon by exposing yourself to new and different knowledge. One of my sources for learning something new every day is www.curious.com  You can customize and have a curious quotient workout delivered to your inbox every day. Check it out.

So, my friends, choose to abandon your pursuit of the unimportant and chase after those things that add the most value to your life and the lives of others.

What are there other things we should pursue each day? 

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We all have at least one – a toxic family member. But, how do we deal with family members that are just plain difficult to get along with? Do we write them off? Do you simply ignore them? That would be the easy way. I believe there is one effective way and it will revolutionize your family relationships.  

The most effective way to deal with toxic family members is to pray for them. If you are having a difficult time interacting and relating to toxic family members, spend time genuinely praying the following prayer or a similar one you create.

Prayer for the Toxic You

Lord, I recognize that it takes two to create a toxic relationship. I know that __________ is not solely the reason for the relational toxicity. Father, I recognize I have relational blindspots. So, please show me how I have contributed to the toxic family relationship with my words and actions. I confess my selfishness, bitterness, unforgiveness, pride and anger. I repent of my part in creating the chasm in the relationship between ___________ and me. Wash me with your word and create in me a clean heart.

Prayer for a Toxic Family Member

Father, I struggle in my relationship with _____________.  You know I have a hard time liking and loving ______________. Please give me the desire and the will to love ___________ well. I need your wisdom and strength.

Father, being around ______________ is just plain awkward. I don’t really know what to do about it. So, Father, I need your specific directions on how to genuinely interact with ______________.

I desire to love ______________, not just in words, but in deeds and from a pure heart and a clear conscience. Therefore, Father, fill me with genuine and courageous love for ______________, the same kind of love you have for me.

Father, because you have forgiven me, you have given me the capacity to forgive ______________ for wounding me deeply.  Therefore, by faith in Jesus, I release ______________ from owing me a debt that only you can pay. I realize that forgiving _____________ is immediate, but reconciling with ___________ will take time.

Jesus. I surrender my emotions of anger, bitterness, fear, and indifference. Please forgive me for holding a bitter grudge against ______________ and treating __________ like the enemy. I allowed Satan to put a wedge between ____________ and me. Forgive me for sinning against you and ____________. I am sorry, Lord.

So, today, in the name of Jesus and by the power of the Spirit, I pray for ____________. I ask that you would bless ____________ and meet all __________’s needs. I ask that you would remove fear, shame and guilt from _____________’s life and bring complete healing to _____________ and my relationship. May the same power that raised Jesus from the dead, transform my relationship with ______________.

In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen.

Whereas _____________ might feel like the enemy,  he/she is not. The real enemy is Satan. Remember, we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but principalities. Satan’s ultimate desire is to destroy your relationship with ___________ and he will make ___________ seem like the enemy. Don’t believe the lie. Submit yourself to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.

The post One Effective Way To Deal With Toxic Family Members appeared first on Marvin Williams.

The day that Tonia told me that I could not fulfill all her expectations was the day I realized I had unrealistic expectations. So, to avoid disappointment, I had to learn how to manage unrealistic expectations in my marriage. Here are a few things I learned in the process.

Before my marriage and during the first couple of years, I bought into a lie. As the man, I assumed I was expected and obligated to meet ALL her needs. I was sadly mistaken. I had unrealistic expectations.

Clinging to Unrealistic Expectations

I didn’t know why we were experiencing increasing disappointment in our relationship. Then, I realized I was clinging to unrealistic expectations. These unrealistic expectations were causing tension and a bit of relational misery.

“ One way to be or remain miserable in your relationship is to continue to cling to unrealistic expectations.

One way to be or remain miserable in your marriage or dating relationship is to continue to cling to unrealistic expectations. When we first got married, it seemed the relationship was all about romance. I thought I was her Prince Charming, and I assumed she would be my Princess. When I fell in love with Tonia, I absolutely loved her, but I think I was in love with the idea of being in love as well.

Incessant romance.

Perpetually gazing into one another’s eyes.

Magic in the air.

Forever sentimental.

Whispering sweet nothings to one another.

This unrealistic view of love and relationships lasted a year or two after the wedding. Now, this is not to say marriage became boring or monotonous. It just moved from fantasy land to hard but enjoyable reality. It moved from living off love to building a strong marriage – resolving conflict, dealing with money issues, communication miscues, and so many other issues that bring a couple to earth.

Reality exploded my unrealistic expectations. I panicked because I thought that there is something wrong with our relationship. There was nothing wrong with our relationship; we were experiencing reality. But, Tonia and I wanted our expectations and reality to align, thereby eliminating disappointment in our relationship. Through a lot of hard work, we were able to, year after year, bridge the gap between expectations and reality.

We realized that just because we could not meet each other’s expectations didn’t mean we should give up or strive to have an amazing marriage/relationship. In fact, this helped us to work harder to understand one another needs. The sooner we understood this, the sooner we could recognize what was happening and weren’t caught off guard.

Stop Waiting For Your Mate to Fulfill All Your Needs

If we are waiting for our spouse or significant other to fulfill our needs in the relationship, we are making a big mistake and will be disappointed every time.

“ One way to manage unrealistic expectations is to stop waiting for your spouse to fulfill all your needs.

One way to manage unrealistic expectations is to stop waiting for your spouse to fulfill all your needs. We must grieve the loss of the Hallmark Channel relationships and live in the real world. Now, I am not saying that we don’t step up our game and strive to meet our mate’s needs or be a Prince Charming or a Princess. I am saying that it is impossible for one human being to meet all the emotional, physical, and spiritual needs of another human being. Only Jesus can do that.

Examine Your Expectations.

If we want to manage unrealistic expectations successfully, we have to examine our expectations. I understood that it was unrealistic to expect Tonia to fulfill needs that only my male friends could fulfill (enjoying sports, etc.). I realized that she had needs only a girlfriend could fulfill (shoe shopping, etc.). Moreover, it is unrealistic for spouses to expect their mates to re-parent them. Your spouse did not marry you to re-parent you. We should not burden our spouses to heal wounds that we have dealt with since childhood. What do you expect from your mate? Is it realistic?

Accept Your Mate for Who They Are.

Another key to dealing with unrealistic expectations is to accept your mate. When you accept your mate for who he or she is, you recognize his or her uniqueness. Thus, you will not spend a lot of time trying to change your mate and fit him or her into your mold. Early in our marriage, Tonia tried to change me, and I tried to change her. And we frustrated one another in the process. It wasn’t until we accepted one another for how God created us to experience greater relational harmony.

Change What You Can.

Trying to change your mate is futile and unrealistic. Stop trying to change what you cannot.

“ Instead of trying to change your mate, determine what you need to change.

Instead of trying to change your mate, determine what you need to change. Begin with your attitude and thoughts toward your spouse. Remember, this is the person you met and decided to love unconditionally. Let God do the changing.

Love Never Gives Up

Read 1 Corinthians 13:7. It says, “Love never gives up, love never loses faith, it is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” This passage reminds us never to stop loving and hoping for a better tomorrow in our relationships. “Don’t stop loving your spouse.” “Don’t lose faith in the power of God to give you a great relationship.” This verse is saying, “Be hopeful, even when things don’t look good and know that you’re called to endure.” As you strive for realistic expectations in your relationship, may the Lord bless you and keep you, cause his face to shine upon you, be gracious to you, and give you peace.

How do you manage unrealistic expectations in your relationship? 

The post Managing Unrealistic Expectations In Our Relationships appeared first on Marvin Williams.

If the Lord says the same, on July 10th, Tonia and I will be married 23 years. I am humbled, grateful and excited. We have had many ups and downs, joys and sorrows, and a lot of amazing days and some “Meh” days. But, over the last two decades, we have a done a few simple things to strengthen our relationship.

The truth is, marriage or any relationship for that matter, is hard work. Yes, it’s hard work, but you can maintain the spark and strengthen your relationship for the long haul. How do we enhance our relationship so it can last through the difficult times?

• Appreciate your partner regularly. The lack of appreciation for your partner will inevitably lead to us taking them for granted. So, say positive things about your partner.

• Connect daily with your partner. Before we leave the house, Tonia and I ask one another what’s in store for the day. This helps us to know how to pray for one another. Not only do we connect before we leave the house, but we also connect during the day through text messages and calls. Then, when we come home, we review our day with one another.

• Nurture transparency. Opening your life to your mate is one way to develop transparency in your relationship. One simple way Tonia and I cultivate openness in our relationship is by sharing online passwords. My mantra is: “Nothing to hide. Nothing to fear.”

• Forgive your partner immediately. Life is too short to remain angry with one another for extended periods of time. The Bible says we should not let the sun go down on our anger or conflict. So, when you experience conflict, take the time to cool down and resolve the dispute before you go to bed.

• Have dinner together. With varying schedules, I know this can be difficult. But, winning back the dinner table is significant in strengthening our relationships. At the dinner table, we share the events of the day and connect emotionally. So, as much as possible, share dinner together several nights a week.

• Ask one another “God sighting” questions. In my humble opinion, there is nothing stronger than asking your partner: “Where do you see God showing up in your life these days?” Or, “What has God been saying to you today?”

• Accept your partner for who God has created them to be. Nothing weakens a relationship more than trying to change your partner. The sooner we realized this, the more joy we had in our relationship. God created them the way they are, and only God can change them to be who he wants them to be. So, let’s stop playing the role of the Holy Spirit in their lives.

• Develop your code language. Tonia and I have developed our insider code language. Sometimes, we use language from our favorite movies or television shows. Other times, we use language from a funny memory. When there is miscommunication, one of us might refer to the Christmas in Chicago, and we both will laugh out loud. These moments create intimacy and intimacy strengthens the bond in the relationship.

• Ask your partner their opinion and listen. “What do you think about …..?” is a compelling question. It is a matter of invitation and honor. This question lets your partner know you value them and their opinion.

• Be vulnerable. You don’t always have to be strong. Your vulnerability is not a sign of weakness; it is an indicator of strength. Let your partner know your struggles. According to James 5:16, our healing is found in vulnerability.

• Practice honesty. Nothing destroys the foundation of a relationship quicker than lies. Be honest. Tell the truth to one another. Truthfulness and honesty are fruits of the new nature.

• Listen actively. I am so guilty of preparing my answer while Tonia is still talking. I miss so much when I do this. So, I practice actively listening. When Tonia is talking, and she wants an answer or an opinion about something, I attempt to repeat back to her – in her words – what I thought I heard. This helps me to pay attention, and it gives her a chance to clarify her words. Sometimes, our partners don’t want solutions; they only want to be heard.

• Express gratitude for your partner daily. Saying thank you goes a long way.

• Realize you don’t always have to be right. Winning the relationship is infinitely more important than winning the argument.

• Put your partner before yourself. Selfishness is the death of any relationship. Find ways to put your partner first.

• Protect your relationship from emotional affairs. Infidelity – physical or emotional – ruins relationships.  When do not resolve conflict, it is easy to vilify our partners and fantasize about being with someone else. So, guard your heart.

• Talk about money. Spend time communicating about money – how you will spend it, save it, and give it away.

• Have sex regularly.  Now, this is strictly for married couples. When we don’t satisfy one another sexually, we open the door for Satan to tempt us to have emotional and physical affairs. Sexual intimacy is not strong enough to keep a relationship together, but it does help strengthen the relationship.

• Pray together. I love hearing Tonia pray for me and she loves it when she hears me praying for her. I know this may seem awkward at first, but believe me, praying for one another strengthens the foundation of your relationship.

• Have a date night. If you dated her in the beginning, continue dating her now. Whether it is once a week or every other week, intentionally plan a date night.

Developing a strong marriage/relationship takes work and intentionality. It is like planting a garden. Whatever seeds you plant, is the fruit you will reap at harvest time. So, what are you planting?

What are some other simple ways we can strengthen our relationships? 

The post 20 Simple Ways To Strengthen Your Relationship appeared first on Marvin Williams.

I like to watch a movie before giving a strong opinion or recommending it. But, then there are times when I don’t need to see before giving a definite opinion. Fifty Shades Darker, the new sequel to Fifty Shades of Grey, is one of those movies. I believe there are several reasons why followers of Jesus should NOT see Fifty Shades Darker.

Fifty Shades of Grey, an erotic romance novel (made into a movie), tells the story of Anatasia, a college student, and Christian Grey, a successful entrepreneur. The two meet, have a sexual relationship that becomes increasingly abusive, where Ana suffers the most harm.

Timed for Valentine’s Day, Fifty Shades Darker, the new sequel to Fifty Shades of Grey (based on the best-selling romance series by E.L. James), opened last night in the UK and is opening in U.S. today. Several secular critics threw shade at the film, calling it a “travesty,” “Fifty Shades Dumber,” and its “own punishment.”

If you had already planned to see the movie then nothing I will say will convince you otherwise. However, if you are still on the fence about it and there is a UFC fight going on in your conscience, I advise you, as one of the shepherds of your soul, to NOT see the movie. I believe Fifty Shades Darker:

Cheapens the beautiful gift of sex

God created and ordained sex (Genesis 1:27-28). It is a beautiful gift, intended for human beings to enjoy. Men and women are designed to complement one another and to take sexual pleasure in one another. But, God has provided us with this beautiful gift for the full and glad expression of it in marriage (Genesis 2:23-24).

Glorifies sexual sin.

Originating in our fallen nature, sexual sin is any sexual activity that goes beyond the limits that God has set for the enjoyment of sex. This list includes, but is not limited, the following:

• Pre-marital sex – any sexual activity before marriage (Deuteronomy 22:13-21)
• Adultery – any sexual activity with anyone other than your spouse (Exodus 20:14)
• Prostitution – exchanging sex for money or other favors (Leviticus 19:29)
• Homosexual sex – sexual activity and relations between the same sex (Leviticus 18:22)
• Rape – sexual violation of an individual, usually by force or against the person will (Deuteronomy 22:25-29)
• Bestiality – having sex with animals (Exodus 22:19)
• Pornography – using images – movies, pictures, and magazines – that show or describe nudity or sexual activity. These images are intended to arouse erotic and lustful, rather than emotional feelings (Matthew 5:27-30).

As in Fifty Shades of Grey, Fifty Shades Darker glorifies sexual sin, and it perverts the good gift of sex. Paul tells us to flee sexual sin, not run towards it (1 Corinthians 6:18). When we glorify sexual sin, it becomes easier to create our standards and desensitize our hearts to the holiness of God.

Sensationalizes sexual and emotional abuse.

In the both movies, according to reviews, there are scenes of emotional and sexual abuse between Anastasia and Christian. I can’t even begin to imagine the trauma women and men have experienced at the hands of others. When we see abuse on the screen, disguised as romance, it desensitizes us to abuse and normalizes crime against women and men. Every man and woman is created in the image of God (Genesis 1:26) and deserves to be treated with dignity and honor. Dominating of another human being through emotional, physical and sexual abuse violates the Imago Dei in another person. This grieves the heart of God.

Objectifies women.

In both movies, according to reviews, Christian objectifies Ana by making her his sexual slave. What is means to objectify women is to degrade them to the status a mere object. We reduce them to just their physical appearance and sexual parts. This is reprehensible. Period. God created women as beautiful gifts from his gracious hand. When we fail to recognize this, it becomes easier to treat women as objects. Also, the objectification of women will always end in emotional distance in a relationship.

God desires men to engage with women according to their full range of humanness, not just their physical appearance. We sacrifice emotional closeness when we see women as objects. Therefore, we must recognize that women are infinitely more than their bodies and objects to fulfill men’s sexual fantasies and desires.

Promotes pornography.

Because porn invites and hosts lust, we know that it does not bring glory to God (Matthew 5:27-30). According to GQ Magazine (apparently not known for biblical insight), gives ten compelling reasons why people should stop watching porn. Among some of the reasons are it negatively impacts the brain and people who look at porn are always looking for new sexual experiences and partners. Satan is using Fifty Shades Darker to disguise pornography as romance. Porn has ruined marriages, families, careers and churches. Let’s not allow Satan to continue to win the war of enslaving our hearts. I love how Christian rapper, Trip Lee, talks about pornography in this brief video. 

Soils our souls

What we place before our eyes, eventually seeps into and stains our souls. Because my heart is already wicked (Jeremiah 17:9) I don’t need to help my flesh out by watching a movie that would stimulate my flesh and soil my soul. The Psalmist was so desperate for life and the preservation of his soul, he prays that God would turn his eyes away from worthless things and guard his heart through the Scriptures (Psalm 119:37). Job made a covenant with his eyes that he would not look with lust at a woman (Job 31:1). Trip Lee, in his song Covenant Eyes, encourages us to submit our eyes to King Jesus.

If you are still on the fence about seeing the movie, ask yourself several questions:

What desire in my heart am I trying to fill that Jesus cannot fill? 
Will seeing Fifty Shades Darker draw me closer to Jesus or be instrumental in pushing me away from Jesus?

As God’s holy people, we are called to think and behave according to kingdom values. Personally, I don’t see how watching Fifty Shades Darker will promote kingdom values and shine our light in a dark world.

What are some other reasons why you believe Christians should not see Fifty Shades Darker? 

The post Should Christians Go See Fifty Shades Darker? appeared first on Marvin Williams.

Hello. My name is Marvin Williams, and I am a recovering people pleaser. I wanted to be wanted and liked to be liked. I needed validation from outside sources, especially from people I admired. It was hard for me to say “no” for fear of disappointing others. If you resonate with the list above, then you might be a people pleaser. So, what are some other indicators that you are a people pleaser? How do you fix it?

There was an insatiable desire inside me to please others. To sound tough, I used to say I didn’t care about what people said or thought about me. But, inside, I craved for others to like and accept me. I overextended so people wouldn’t be disappointed, and over-explained myself so I wouldn’t feel guilty. What is that? Signs of people-pleasing Where did this come from? Why did I so desperately need people’s approval?

Why We Strive for People’s Approval

We learn very early that if we do something well, and people give their approval, we want to do again and again “the thing” that wins the approval of others. For instance, if people applauded our performance when we were children, we learned very early to keep performing so we could be applauded again. If we painted a picture and mom gave us a treat, then we would continue to paint great pictures to get more treats. If we cleaned our rooms or ate all our vegetables, then dad would reward us. Therefore, we learned very early to perform for the reward.

If someone does not correct this behavior, it carries over into adulthood, and it becomes increasingly unhealthy. If I preach a good sermon, people applaud, and I like how that feels. So, I work hard to preach a good sermon, not to please God, but to get kudos. If washing the dishes or taking out the garbage increases my chances of intimacy at the end of the night, then you better believe I’m going to wash every dish and remove every piece of garbage from the house. Working for approval is a drug. It’s an addiction.

Signs That You Might Be a People Pleaser

Though the Bible commands us not to be people pleasers (Galatians 1:10), we find ourselves falling into this trap. I am sure there are more, but here at least 18 indicators that you might be a people pleaser. You might be a people pleaser if you:

1. Worry about what others think about you
2. Feel inferior to others
3. Rely on people to validate your importance and your happiness
4. Refuse to stand up for yourself
5. Let other people control your decisions
6. Have a low view of yourself
7. Over-explain yourself for doing or not doing something
8. Fear you will disappoint others
9. Let people walk all over you
10. Find it hard to say “no” and feel extreme guilt if you do
11. Apologize unnecessarily for everything
12. Fear offering your opinion because it might be rejected
13. Live for the praise of others
14. Avoid confrontation and conflict
15. Feel taken advantage of
16. Overextend yourself because you don’t want to disappoint others
17. Bend over backward to make someone like you
18. Sacrifice your legitimate needs for the sake of making others happy
19. Fail to express your true feelings in a conversation
20. Are not honest about how you feel
21. Do things out of duty rather than desire
22. Avoid confrontation with others
23. Keep the peace rather than make peace
24. Fear others will find out about failures and mistakes and not like you

Dangers of Being a People Pleaser

You might say that there is nothing wrong with desiring to please those we love. You would be right. There is nothing inherently wrong with wanting to please others. People pleasing becomes dangerous when pleasing people is greater than our desire to please God. In Proverbs 29:25, Solomon says people pleasing is a dangerous trap. Here are a few more dangers of being a people pleaser. People pleasing:

• Allow someone or something other than God to have first place (Therefore, people-pleasing is idolatry)
• Impacts our decision-making abilities
• Causes unnecessary stress in our lives
• Invites the fear of man, rather than the fear of God, to dominates our lives
• Makes you betray your authentic self and emotions

Recovering From Being a People Pleaser

• Find your security and hope in Christ. Who does God say you are? Therefore, his opinion of you has to matter more than what others think of and say about you. So, God says that you are valuable (Psalm 8:5; 139:14; Matthew 10:31), new (Romans 8:1-2; 2 Corinthians 5:17); and unconditionally forgiven, accepted, validated and loved (Romans 8:39).
• Trust that only God can and will always love us in ways others can’t. Thus, he is the only one that can satisfy the love and acceptance we crave. Therefore, recognize that everyone who loves you will never love you like Jesus loves you (John 3:16; Romans 5:8; 1 John 3:1). His love is perfect, pure, unconditional and satisfying. God is crazy about you.

Yvonne Pierre says:

The increased desire to please God and seek HIS approval will decrease the desire to seek approval from man.

Out of the twenty-four indicators of people-pleasing, which one stands out to you? 
What are some others ways we can heal from being people pleasers? 

The post 24 Dead Giveaways That You Might Be A People Pleaser appeared first on Marvin Williams.

Injustice of any kind is evil. Injustice against the vulnerable and special-needs people is despicable. The four African-Americans that terrorized and beat a white, special-needs man in Chicago is repulsive. How should we respond to this horrific ordeal?

Jordan Hill, 18, of Carpentersville, Ill., and Tesfaye Cooper, 18, Brittany Covington, 18, and Tanishia Covington, 24, all of Chicago, face charges. They are accused of and charged with aggravated kidnapping, robbery, residential burglary, possession of a stolen vehicle, aggravated unlawful restraint and aggravated battery with a deadly weapon.  Moreover, as of Thursday, the local authorities had charged all with hate crimes.

As my family and I discussed this story last night, it shook my daughter. She could not fathom how someone could do such abhorrent, deplorable, and fulsome things to another human being. Here are a few observations I shared with her last night:

Sin and evil are much darker than we can ever know.

Theologians call Adam and Eve’s disobedience in the Garden of Eden “The Fall.” The Fall is the departure by creation, including human beings, from the patterns and standards set for it by God. Creation now exists at a lower level of integrity and fulfillment than that which God originally intended for it.

The truth is, the human heart is dark and wicked. It explodes with all kind of hate crimes – whites against blacks, blacks against whites, husbands against wives, wives against husbands, parents against children and children against parents. We cannot know how bad the human heart really is (Jeremiah 17:9). The human heart is capable of doing extraordinary good, and it has the capacity of doing evil that cannot be quantified.

Paradoxically, though, the low ebb of depravity represented by biblical stories of violence is also the climax of the Bible’s story of redemption. The violence of the cross is the pivot point of redemption. The suffering servant suffered unfair violence for the sake of saving sinful humanity.

Respond with disgust and outrage over injustice and evil.

We normalize violence when we do not respond with disgust, anger, and outrage. Violence and evil should not be normal in God’s world. We should hate and renounce all violence in our communities because God hates violence (Psalm 11:5; Jeremiah 22:3).

We must not leave any room in our language or action to justify any violence in our community, whether it’s violence against black people or white people. When we denounce and renounce violence against humanity, we are, at a minimum, recognizing all people as image-bearers.

Therefore, I denounce and renounce the terrorizing brutality against the white young man in Chicago.  I denounce and renounce a White football player raping a black, disabled team-mate.  The difference is the White football player was not charged with sexual assault or a hate crime and did not go to prison. Therefore, we should have just as much outrage and disgust over this case as the one in Chicago. Both cases are evil and repulsive. We should denounce and renounce evil and injustice wherever we find it.

Yes, we must respond with disgust and outrage over injustice and evil in our world. But, in order to deal with evil in the world, we must come a little closer to home.

“ Denouncing and renouncing injustice in our world begins with denouncing and renouncing injustice in our hearts.

It continues with punishing and condemning injustice no matter where we find it. Let’s continue to lend our voices to speak out against great injustices and give our lives to fight against them. As followers of the Prince of Peace, we are duty-bound to usher in peace in every area of our world.

Cry out to God

Our world is full of rage and volatility. It seems every time we turn on the news or turn to social media stories of violence meet us. This burden is heavier than any other weight I have carried. The chaotic turbulence sickens me, troubles me, saddens me, and makes me feel helpless. It causes me to cry out to God like Habakkuk:

How long, O Lord, must I call for help? But you do not listen! “Violence is everywhere!” I cry, but you do not come to save. Must I forever see these evil deeds? Why must I watch all this misery? Wherever I look, I see destruction and violence. I am surrounded by people who love to argue and fight. The law has become paralyzed, and there is no justice in the courts. The wicked far outnumber the righteous, so that justice has become perverted. Habakkuk 1:2-4

Do more than cry and talk

We cannot sit back and do nothing. Thus, we have a responsibility to confront violence when and where we see it and rescue all people trapped in a violent world. This case reminds us that we have responsibilities towards those with disabilities. God wants us to treat them with respect (Leviticus 19:14), to not take advantage of them (Deuteronomy 27:18), and to provide help for them (Job 29:15; Proverbs 31:8; Luke 14:13-14).

As a result of this story, my daughter is doubling down on her desire to be a link at her school. Links are individuals who assist special-needs kids in their high school. They walk them to class, help them with homework and spend time with them outside of class. Serving special needs kids in her school is Mikayla’s small but significant contribution of bringing peace to a violent world.

Injustice anywhere

In his Letter from the Birmingham Jail, Martin Luther King Jr. sums up what we should all hold to be true:

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly.

We are a mosaic of humanity – African, Europeans, Asian, Latino, Middle Easterners. We cannot escape this reality: we are connected to one another. Let’s start acting like we are a network of mutuality tied in a single garment of destiny.

How did you respond to the horrific story? 

What will your contribution be to quelling violence and injustice in our world? 

The post Brutal Injustice Against a White, Special-Needs Man In Chicago appeared first on Marvin Williams.

cialis no prescription linked hereWhat are your plans to have the best year ever? How will you increase your chances of 2017 being better and more productive than 2016? It won’t happen unless we intentionally spend time reflecting on last year and planning for the next year. Here are a few questions to help you and me have the best year ever.

Each year, people intentionally spend time reflecting on the past year and planning for the year to come. I find this exercise to be extremely beneficial because it forces me to slow down and graph highs and lows and wins and disappointment and create a map for success in the future.

So, what are you going to do to make 2017 better and more productive than 2016? As we’re ending this year, I think it is helpful to reflect on all that has happened in 2016 and plan for what we desire to happen in 2017. In short, If we want to have the best year ever, we must reflect, evaluate, gain insight, and plan ahead.

Consequently, reflection is not a quick exercise. If it is to be meaningful, then we should give considerable time to it. Some high achievers take several hours, and some take an entire day to reflect, evaluate and gain insight into the previous 365 days.

Here are the questions I am using this year to help me have the best year ever. Some of these questions come from Day One Journal, Brad Lomenick, and the book, Eat That Frog. Also, I have added some questions to the list of twenty-six.

Reflect to Have the Best Year Ever

• Where and how did I see God show up in my life this past year?
• What was my favorite single day/single event of the year?
• List ten highlights of the past year.
• List ten disappointments from this previous year.
• What was the best thing I built or created?
• What was the most impactful decision I made for my family’s future?
• As I contemplate the last 365 days, what was my best financial decision and achievement?
• What lifelong goal did I achieve or come close to reaching this year?
• Think back over the year. What was the hardest lesson I learned over the past year?
• If I could change one thing that happened this year, what would it be?
• What did I complete this year? What still feels incomplete?
• Did I neglect anything this year? What three things did I ignore this year? What things did not receive my best attention this year?
• Did I discard anything from life that was holding me back growing in my relationship with God and others? List them here.
• What 2-3 unexpected events caused me to realign or reorder my schedule?
• Did I develop any new hobbies or passions? What new hobbies or passions do I want to grow next year?
• Did I develop any new relationships this past year? If I did, how have those links added value to my life? If I did not, what prevented me from developing those relationships?
• What was the most humbling experience of the past year?
• Is my family closer at the end of this year? Am I a better spouse, parent, and friend? If not, what needs to change immediately?
• What am I most grateful for this past year?

Plan to Have the Best Year Ever

• What are at least three areas of growth that I will focus on this year?
• What are my personal goals for the New Year? Family goals? Faith goals? Health goals? Financial goals? Career goals?
• In what areas will I venture outside my comfort zone in 2017?
• Have I written down my goals (Unwritten goals rarely stick)?
• For accountability and encouragement, with whom am I planning to share my goals?
• How will I know I am are reaching my goals?
• How will I be different in the New Year?

Now, these are just suggestions. Get a journal and spend time answering the questions prayerfully and honestly. Use the ones that you think might be the most productive for your end of the year reflection and beginning of the year goal setting.

Staying Motivated

I don’t know about you, but I fight to stay motivated. What can we do to stay motivated? Here are a few attitudes and actions Michael Hyatt encourages us to adopt to remain motivated in pursuing our goals this year.

• Get off your “but”: Stop making excuses.
• Don’t overthink it: Don’t let planning hinder progress.
• Chunk down your goals: Do the next thing, then the next thing.
• Get it on your calendar: Make a commitment of your time.
• Honor your commitments: Take your goals seriously.
• Maintain forward momentum: Work on your goals – possibly first thing in the morning when you have the smallest chance of getting derailed.
• Celebrate your wins: If you don’t celebrate your successes along the way, you’ll lose the energy you need to reach the finish line.

As we say goodbye to 2016 and hello to 2017, may we reflect and plan well! I pray, as we reflect and plan, that we will all have the best year ever.

What has been your end of year practices? 

What are some things you do to increase your odds to have the best year ever? 

The post 26 Questions to Help You Have The Best Year Ever appeared first on Marvin Williams.